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early one morning the sun was shining

i was layin' in bed

10/20/04 03:38 am - innocent bystander

how dare you,

with your sleepy time music
and your blatant stare
(rude fuck)
and what cosmo calls 'bedroom eyes'
i wish to gauge out and take to the police as evidence,
(apparently scars of sprirt don't hold up well in court)

continually badger,

in that underhanded
sly speaker sneaky, shadow stalking manner,
one eye fatally fixed on the intagible massacre
your two-sided innuendoes wreak,

with no intent,

because of course there is never a purpose,
a reason,
(at least not one any man can admit to without slicing himself open,
bloody mess they are anyway without mimicking a cantaloupe)

of ever saying,

speaking, screaming,
pantomime perhaps being acceptable in a rare emergency
such as your tongue being chewed off by a ravenous pug,
(good aries, goooood girl)

i really did mean it.

10/8/04 01:35 am - spooky cats

it's funny, i must be crazy.
to still think about you so fluently....memories cascading into every
tiny
free moment. sometimes slowly creeping over me,
most times like a thonk on the mellon with a blunt object.
the kind that makes you wince in fear of the next one.
completely
separate
from every other facet of my life, any wishes or dreams.
there is the idea i have for my life and
then there is you.
i can't help but see your profile in my thoughts, or hear
the ghost of your laughter in my twilight dreams.
it is insane to fixate on something that was so brief and yet
everything in me strains back to that memory of perfect. that was it,
laying on that damp grass
holding your hand,
watching the stars.
your scent still a very real thing draped
across my shoulders. the easy rustle of your laughter against
my bare skin. and your smile. and i go
on and on
down into a terrifying depth of longing. i always end
up missing the way it could have been but i miss the way it was,
for the first time i lived

10/4/04 01:28 am - too much

to see you again
that's all
chewing the inside of your cheek
working your mouth around and around

watching the subtlety
of your shadows
turning in on themselves
turning and rolling over
like a great swell

liquid lash
dripping down
splashing open
so open

9/30/04 01:50 am - death and taxes

i sit here saturated
in a thought of you standing.
just that.
simply existing before me,
defying both rule of death and taxes.
i continually find you in my spaces,
those tiny gifts of time
where i am overcome with absolute awareness
of life and soul.
and
that is a sense of wholeness
i thought only to imagine.
nothing can truly hurt me anymore.
it is the most beautiful gift i have ever received.

9/28/04 01:02 am - so this is love

i never realized,
having wrapped myself in your truths,
that it was a game to be won or lost
>after handing over the spoils
unwittingly i find i've had enough of starving myself.
rape
seems a bitter better exclamation
your caramel stare slithered a stealthy micky
into the scotch and soda soul
splish sploshing too readily.
date rape
of the mind, if you care to know.
parading around
a student of my strength
just to cut off my arm and watch the freak
grow it back.
so it will.
so you will
learn, in time, from my pain.
the pain of your name,
semen,
and sermon
thick and tacky in my mouth.
(numb, dumb, and willing)
>should your memory drip so easily down my thigh=
perhaps the soiled sheet of experience
you left me swaddled in wouldn't be my only shelter.
too easy
i let you in
too easy
you let go
whores we are.
if only i could be sure
i bore you my final trick.
dick.

9/26/04 04:58 pm - written for her

#1
i am tired
of the moon crying
and eyes calling
souls pulling and stretching
- in the wake of a force i cannot understand.
so terribly drained by that sense
uncommon
uncompromising
unfulfilling
- always un - never
just
simple.
as if such a gift must be bought
at the price of everyday availability.
pointless, really.

#2
do not look
if the hook escapes you -
swim freely in shallower waters

9/26/04 12:33 am - poems for a bastard

#1

take it slow
as if i am the one
in control
not the tiny fleck of colour
-green i think-
spalshed in your iris.
and although i can't
quite
remember
right or left
i do recall thinking
he will crush me
to death
with such intricate
beauty


#2

you always make me
laugh
at my dorky girl status
gum sticky braces
shuffled feet
mussed up hat hair
noxious insecurity
never let them know
they've hurt you mantra
i wish i were thin
i wish i were
i wish
i.
can't ever learn to outgrow
myself
tired of waiting for the shoe
to
drop
- cut bait and my losses in the nick of time -
i will always trust
in my feelings....
never yours
if i believe in anything
it is my own broken heart
and i am sorry
for that
piece of shit
excuse
as to why i hate
you
right
now
for this sadness
in my throat.

#3

fuck it
cold little bitch
it won't hurt
just to flirt and laugh
steam up the mirror
- never thaw, though-
that raw crackle
(soul delight)
certainly might
be real

#4

grant me a small reprieve,
a slight backward slide
such a moment

again.

forever
is an endless coil
of independent adventures

9/25/04 11:54 pm - poems for a bastard

#1

take it slow
as if i am the one
in control
not the tiny fleck of colour -
green i think -
splashed in your iris.
and although
i can't quite
remember
right or left
i do recall thinking
he will crush me
to death
with such inticate beauty.



#2
you always make me
laugh
at my dorky girl anxiety
gum sticky braces
shuffled feet
mussed up hat hair
noxious insecurity
never let them know
they've hurt you mantra
i wish i were thin
i wish i were
i wish
i.
can't ever learn
to outrow myself
tired of waiting for the shoe
to drop
- cut bait
and my losses
in the nick of time -
i will always trust in my feelings....
never yours.
if i believe in anything
it is my own broken heart
and i'm sorry
for that
piece of shit
excuse
as to why i hate you
right now
for this sadness
in my throat.


#3

fuck it
cold little bitch
it won't hurt
just to flirt and laugh
steam up the mirror
- never thaw, though
that raw crackle
(soul delight)
certainly might be real


#4

grant me a small reprieve,
a slight backward slide
such a moment
again.
forever
is an endless coil
of independent adventures.
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